Коллекция разнообразных забавностей .

Очень древние тексты, которые помню со времен, когода в ратгерсе учил английский.

Текст про упрощение написания для стран НАТО. После моих жалоб на нелогичность спеленга многих английских слов, Джуди (Judy Weis) переслала мне сей чудесный текст, который тогда (в 1991 году) гулял по интернету.


Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European

Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving

efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is

unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and

thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron

out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a

committee staff at top level by participating nations.In the first year,

for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'.

Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy.

Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are

pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal

workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthousiasm when in the sekond year, it was

anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This

would make words like 'fotograf' twenty per sent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted

to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments

would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a

deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is

disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as

though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the

skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by

'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is,

after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd

from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer

kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl

riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and

evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the Guvernmnt

vud finali hav kum tru.


Еще текс про спеллинг :

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come first. Then I come. Then two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.'

You foul-mouthed sex-obsessed swine,' retorted the lady indignantly.'In this country.......we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives .......'

'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man.'Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi '.'

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